Chapter 209
Toya finished reading the email, as another came in. This one marked personal. “I think this one might have more of an explanation.” She pointed to the notification, but I was still frozen where I sank on to my bed when I read it. He had to date these women. What about me?
I heard a soft sad howl from the darkness of my forest where Nix had taken up residence in my soul. She hadn’t come out in a long time, and Megan only appeared periodically. They left me alone to deal with everything. And while I can kind of understand, I was growing resentful of my wolves. I was already cut adrift by my father. I had pulled away from my mother to sell my sadness. Her sadness. Rowan was doing his part and then there was us. So divided, they refused to come out any more.
We were supposed to be planning our next steps and I couldn’t even speak with them. I shook my head. I had let them pull away because, obviously; they had things they needed to deal with that they didn’t want to share with me just yet, but I was at the end of my rope. I pushed myself to approach the forest edge, and I called back to my two wolves.
Enough is enough. I don’t know why you guys pulled away from me, but you left me alone to deal with all of this myself. This silence was answer enough. I pulled my magic closer to me since it was the last thing that I had. You are letting a man come between us. Again. I screamed and then I turned away.
“Ouch.” Toya jumped back from me and my eyes snapped open and to her.
“What’s wrong?” s
flinched back from my hand and pointed. I looked down at my hands to find sparks dancing between my fingers. “I hurt you?” My voice was hallow.
“It was an accident.” Toya came back to my side. “I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head, pushing my power away to its grove and giving it a quick goodbye. I
appreciated it, and I didn’t want to offend it and lose it, too “Sorry. I just…” I shook my head as I felt a frustrated tear well up.
“What is going on, Amy? You haven’t been yourself in a while.”
“Nix and Megan pulled away the last night Rowan was here” I wiped at the tears on my cheeks, “They see everything I’m dealing with, but obviously what ever they are dealing with is more important because they left me alone for a man.” I could hear the bitterness in my voice, taste it on my tongue.
“Maybe they just needed to pull back and figure things out.” Toya was trying to be helpful but I snorted.
“Has Taz ever been so wrapped up in her own feelings that she refused to talk to you? Has your wolf pulled away so deeply that she refused to emerge even in the safety of your own mind? Megan comes out every month or so to say a word or two, then slinks back, but Nix? Nix has been gone for six months.” I flopped back onto my bed. “I’ve been alone for six months. And I get it. We all need space. But when is it going to be enough?”
“Oh Amy.” Toya came over and wrapped me in her arms. “Why haven’t you told any of us?”
“Because I didn’t want you guys to pull away, too. I didn’t want to be that girl that doesn’t have a wolf.” I pulled away enough to look up at her. “I’ve lived that life. Last time I had Nix’s voice, but I wasn’t able to shift. Now I’m able to shift but I don’t have the actual wolf.” I crumpled into her arms. “And shifting is becoming harder.” I said the last words as a whisper. My truth, I didn’t want to face. Since Nix and Megan had pulled away from me, every time I shifted, it hurt more and more. The damage I was doing to force the shift was painful, and it lasted longer and longer. After today’s training session, I was in so much pain I actually had to ask Sterling to get me some willow bark capsules to make it to my exam.”
“Amy…you know we can get addicted to that stuff.” I just nodded.
1/2
Chapter 209
+25 BONUS
“I had no other way. I couldn’t move.” I put my head in my hands. “I ran home in wolf form because I struggled to shift yesterday. And today, today my leg got stuck.” Toya gasped.
“What are we going to do?” Toya held me close, but I pulled away as my main phone rang out. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey Amy…it’s Jora.” I closed my eyes.
“Yeah Jora, what’s up?”
“Alpha Nina and Brandon are still waiting down here to see you.”
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