2
Jake was frowning, and his eyes held something like concern, maybe something else, I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Before, I would’ve been touched. Jake was always so thoughtful.
I thought he really loved me. It was all just a
way to keep me in line,
<
“Jake, I don’t want to eat.”
I slowly looked up, staring him right in the face.
His expression faltered for a second, then he
poured the soup back into the thermos, stirring
- it. His eyes were dark.
Then, it was gone, and he was smiling, sweet as
could be. “Claire, I know you hate taking pills,
but you have to get better, you know?”
“I already crushed the pain pills into the soup.
Just eat a little, and you’ll feel better, okay?”
Jake was being so patient, coaxing me.
The spoon touched my lips again, and his eyes
went hard. He didn’t want me to argue.
I closed my eyes in despair. More tears slipped out, falling into the soup. I swallowed it anyway.
<
The baby was already gone. If I didn’t take the
medicine, I’d keep bleeding. I couldn’t die.
Jake, did you ever really care about me? If not, why wouldn’t you just let me go?
He fed me, looking satisfied. The soup I usually
loved tasted bitter with tears.
Jake wiped my eyes, still pleased. “That’s my
girl. You’ll feel better now.”
I laughed to myself.
The blood clotters had terrible side effects, and
he knew it.
I was holding on by a thread, and everything
hurt like a knife.
I started shivering, cold as ice. I broke out in a
cold sweat, and my insides clenched tight, then
let go.
<
11:15
89
2003
The pain went on and on. I was afraid I was
gonna die.
I curled up under the covers, trying to get warm.
I knocked the IV out by accident, and my hand swelled up.
I’d gone through this before, so many times.
I wanted to scream, but then someone pulled back the covers, and I saw the sheets were soaked with blood.
The nurse’s voice sounded panicked. “The patient’s unstable! Get Dr. Lewis, now!”
I must’ve passed out, but I still felt something.
Jake was there, holding my hand, his face unreadable.
Dr. Lewis sounded grim. “Mr. Johnson, your
11:15
((
89
wife almost died tonight. If the nurse hadn’t
caught it in time… She’s got a high fever now.
You need to be more careful.”
He took my hand and put it on Jake’s face. I
tried to pull away, but I was too weak. I just laid there, helpless.
“She’ll be okay. I’ll protect her. She’s not gonna die.”
I must’ve been dreaming, because I thought I heard Jake choke up.
It must’ve been the dream, because he didn’t
love me at all. If I died, maybe he could be with the one he really wanted.
Deep down, I still wanted something, even
though I knew it wasn’t possible.
Jake stayed put, not leaving my side.
<
11:15
He kept checking my temperature and used a
wet towel to cool me down.
His stubble was rough on my skin, and for a
second, I almost wavered.
Then, I heard him whisper, “Abby, don’t worry.
No one’s taking your son’s place.”
89
In my dream, I cried so hard. I’d had a crush on
him for three years, been married for five. In
that moment, all my feelings came crashing
down.
I would never be the same.
All his tenderness, his love, was just to make
someone else happy.
