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But how could I do that if I didn’t even have the right to be fear him? Frustration crushed me, making me feel trapped in an unfair situation.
I knew the love and care I wanted to give him couldn’t just be taken.
Suddenly, dizziness struck my head. Everything seemed to pin slowly, making me stapper. I held onto the edge of the table to keep my balance, but the sensation of nausea lil me fustantly. I pressed my stomach, trying to suppress it, but it was in vain.
1 rushed to the bathroom, almost stumbling at the door. Onge at the sink, I vomited, expelling everything from my stomach–or rather, almost nothing. I hadn’t eaten since morning, and now my body demanded attention.
After a moment, I struggled to stand upright, my breath ragged. The accumulated fatigue and stress made me feel increasingly fragile. With difficulty, I washed my face, trying to return to a better state.
Once finished, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My face was pale, my eyes swollen from crying, and cold sweat dampened my forehead. I tried to take a deep breath, but my chest still felt heavy.
Slowly, I walked out of the bathroom, but my body felt weaker. The room began to spin again, this time faster. My legs wobbled, and I lost my balance.
Quickly, I grabbed the edge of the table to support myself. It felt like the world around me was disappearing, and all that filled my mind were worries and pain. I knew I couldn’t continue like this–I had to take care of myself to be there for Charlie.
After a few seconds, I tried to calm myself, focusing on my breathing. I needed to recharge my energy, to
overcome these feelings. Cautiously, I moved toward the kitchen, hoping to find something that could change this situation.
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“Ouch…” I tried to reach for the nearest chair, but failed. Everything became blurry, and the sounds around me felt distant.
Before I realized what was happening, my body fell to the floor, and everything went dark.
In that darkness, I felt a strange calmness, as if all the burdens I carried were temporarily lifted. Yet my mind remained focused on Charlie, on my hopes and desires to protect him.
As consciousness began to return, I felt confused and weak. Faint sounds started to emerge, and slowly, I tried to open my eyes. In my confusion, I hoped to quickly rise and continue my fight for Charlie.
When I regained awareness, I found myself lying on the living room floor, my head throbbing. The afternoon light streaming through the window was blinding, making me squint. My breath was labored, and my body felt heavy, as if crushed under a great weight.
After a few seconds, I tried to remember what had happened. Anxiety washed over me as all the memories returned my conversation with Hazel, my worries about Charlie, and how everything made me feel pressured! With effort, I tried to move my body, though it felt incredibly difficult.
I knew I had t
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get up, not just for myself, but for Charlie as well. Slowly, I attempted to lift myself, holding onto the sofa for balance. Even though my body was weak, my determination to fight for Charlie grew stronger.
It took a moment before I recalled what had happened. I remembered vomiting in the bathroom, feeling dizzy, and then falling. I tried to sit up slowly, but the pain in my head forced me to stop. I leaned back against the sofa, trying to calm myself. Only then did I remember something important my medication.
“Oh, God…” I whispered hoarsely. In the chaos of my thoughts and emotions today, I had completely forgotten to take the medication I was supposed to regularly consume.
I reached for the table beside the sofa, grabbing the bottle of pills that was always there. My hands trembled as I opened the cap and swallowed one tablet with the remaining cold water in my glass.
After taking the medication, I felt a bit relieved. Maybe this would help calm my mind and reduce the pain that haunted me. However, I knew this wasn’t just about the physical; I also needed to tackle my emotions.
Slowly, I sat on the sofa, trying to calm myself. Although the pain remained, I was determined not to give up. Charlie needed me, and I had to be ready to face the challenges ahead.
I knew this was my fault. The stress and overwhelming emotions had caused me to neglect myself. But what could I do? My heart and mind were so full of Charlie, of Hazel’s anger, and of the guilt that continued to haunt me.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. I had to be calm. I had to be strong, Charlie needed me–even if it was just as a place where he felt loved, even if that was from a distance.
Yet, deep down, I knew I also had to start thinking about myself. If I continued like this, how could I survive? How could I be someone meaningful for Charlie or anyone else ifl didn’t take care of myself?
I needed to find a balance between loving and caring for Charlie and taking care of myself. Maybe it was time to make some small changes–setting aside time to rest, eating well, and finding ways to manage my stress.
With small steps, I hoped to rebuild my strength. If I could take care of myself, I would be better able to give my best for Charlie.
Tears began to flow down my cheeks. I felt so tired, both physically and emotionally. But I knew I couldn’t give up. Not now. Not for Charlie.
I wiped my face, trying to gather the strength to rise from the floor. Slowly, I walked to the kitchen and prepared another glass of water. However, a sudden wave of dizziness hit me again, making me lose consciousness.
As the world began to darken once more, I fought to stay focused. In that darkness, I remembered Charlie’s smile, his laughter, and his hopes. It gave me a little strength to hold on.
With hope, I prayed that I would recover soon. I knew I had to fight, not just for me, but for him. As consciousness began to return, I was determined not to give up. I would find a way to rise and be there for Charlie, even if it meant going through this difficult journey.
