- 11.
He pulled me in. No problems, like we had just
9:20
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gone on vacation.
“You still mad? Can we just be friends?”
I frowned.
“I messed up. I’m sorry.” He pinched my fingers,
I looked down at his hands.
I’d wanted to ask him a lot of things, why me,
why five years?
But it didn’t matter.
“Ben, we broke up.
“I let you go. You don’t need to keep up the act,
you don’t need to worry about running away.”
I didn’t know where his truth ended, and the lies
started.
“I didn’t agree with your decision…”
“I didn’t need your agreement, I didn’t agree
with you coming into my life like that either!”
Time heals, but it takes a long time.
At least a year, the year I couldn’t sleep,
couldn’t heal me.
“Leave me alone, I’m asking you.” I stepped
back, “This is best for both of us.”
“What if-” He came closer, wiping a tear, “I didn’t let you?”
<
9:20
I didn’t think about that, so I was trying to
figure out what to do.
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He smiled, covering my eyes, “Don’t be afraid,
I’m not going to do that.
“Jane, you still owe me a wish, if you want. “I’ll let you go….”
He didn’t say, any word to make this the end.
I knew this was coming.
- 12.
After that, I didn’t see Ben.
That wish was always hanging over me.
He didn’t come, I didn’t do it, as long as it was
there, we had a chance.
I met Tiffany.
She was divorced.
“Can you believe it?” She sat across from me.
“I didn’t think he would. I never doubted he loved me, but he could love someone else too. “Everyone told me to ignore it, keep the power. “Those other girls, just a game for men, all of them had one or two.
“But I can’t do it, I can’t let it go.”
She said she took half the money and she was
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<
9:20
going to live it up.
She hadn’t truly loved anyone, that’s why she
couldn’t let it go.
After some more time passed, I got a text from
Ben, and it was fall.
I remembered those birthdays, he’d never wish
for anything.
He’d push the cake towards me and say make a
wish. I’d yell, “I wish Ben and Jane will be
together forever.”
He never wanted anything.
I didn’t know what he wanted from me.
I was back at the old apartment.
Nothing had changed, the way the sun fell was
the same.
There were a few dishes on the table, and
noises coming from the kitchen.
I walked over, my body still knew what to do, I
stood in the doorway, watching him.
He didn’t turn around, just like before. “One
more, I’ll be done soon.”
Ben wasn’t that good at cooking, but it was better than mine.
<
9:20
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I put a piece of food in my mouth. He was
looking at me, not eating.
It was like the old days.
“Did you always know how to cook?”
“No.” He shook his head. “My old nanny taught
- me. When I told her I wanted to learn, she felt my forehead.”
“You’re not good, by the way.”
“But you always looked like you were having fun.”
It got dark. We were on the floor, not turning on
the light.
“I should go,” I said.
“Jane, I wasn’t all a lie.”
I knelt down, tracing his features, “Will we get married?”
No, that’s why he didn’t say anything.
“If I asked Ben, he would have said yes, loud and clear.” I looked at him smiling, tears falling down my face, “He loves me, he would want to
spend his life with me.
“You knew how it would end, it was just the way it happened.”
(
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<
9:20
“Sometimes, I wish there was a real Ben in this
world.”
He pulled me in, it was like we were going to
become one person.
“Here.” He said, “You keep it.
“It’s so if you pick someone less rich, you don’t
suffer. He can’t take advantage of you and not
try.
“Check out his background, and ask around, don’t just do anything.
“I will.”
- 13.
I knew he was watching, but I walked away.
My phone rang. I answered.
“You wouldn’t have broken up before. Now, it’s
easy? Did he do something?”
“No, he didn’t, but we weren’t right for each other.”
“Was it the money? I’ve been thinking, money is
fine. Why I was nagging you is cause you’ll suffer.”
“Mom, we broke up, I can’t find him.”
“How can you not…”
<
“Mom, we broke up, I can’t find him.”
“How can you not…”
Some people just pass by, and it feels heavy.
It’s like the important parts of your life, the
ones you will never forget.
- 14.
Ben wasn’t one to chase, some people can’t be
saved, it’s best to just let them go.
It was a process, it would slowly come in.
He didn’t let his feelings show.
Then one day, out of nowhere, his old nanny asked, “That girl like those date cakes? The
dates in the yard, they’re fresh, I can make some.”
He stopped walking. The regret was like the
tide, and pain kept rising.
“She’s not here.
“Auntie Zhao, there isn’t a girl who likes date cakes.”
(The End)
