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REBECCA
Reiner, the kids, and I spent most of the morning wandering around in the woods, exploring
and enjoying almost every corner of the property.
Around lunchtime, we stopped in a small meadow next to a bend in the river to have our picnic: Reiner and I had prepared an absolutely obscene amount of sandwiches for a human picnic – but perfect for feeding two pups and two adult wolves tired from two hours of running. So perfect, in fact, that when the meal was over, all four of us were taken by a pleasant sleepiness: exhaustion, satiety and the peace of the place got the better of us, and we decided
to indulge in a nap.
Reiner, who was in much, much need of regaining contact with his inner wolf, had shifted
back, and was snoozing about eight feet away from me, with Violet snuggled against his belly: as for me, I was perfectly comfortable in my human skin – and anyway, Jim had preferred it
that way. When I had asked him if he wanted me to shift too, he had said he preferred to sleep
hugged to me.
Yawning, I stroked his hair, settling better with him in my arms. I might not have sped through
the woods, but maintaining a slow pace over long distances was much more tiring – I really needed to sleep, so I closed my eyes again and focused on the soothing presence of my child
in my arms.
Between his familiar presence and the gentle sounds of the flowing river, birds singing and the wind lazily dancing through the leaves of the trees, I began to doze off… at least until I felt
movement to my right.
Reiner had risen, taking Violet gently between his jaws: she didn’t wake or move, either
because she was a heavy sleeper or because her wolf side, though still dormant, recognized
that move as natural and non–injurious. With a few strides, Reiner reached me, laid Vi down beside her brother, and settled down beside her, practically embracing all of us: I could feel the
tip of his tail brushing against my bare calves, and he had rested his heavy head on top of
mine.
Instinctively, I settled myself better in that position, so that my head rested directly on his
throat: had I been a little less tired, I would have been tremendously embarrassed, but for that
time, I decided to let it go. After the run and the shifting, I was more in tune with my wolf than
ever – and of course, my bond with Reiner and my instincts had been affected as well. It was
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natural for a mate to push herself to protect the male’s throat.
If you drool over my hair I’ll kill you, I managed to grumble. If I knew one thing about Reiner’s
wolf, it was that he drooled – a lot.
A low laugh vibrated in his throat and chest.
I like this, he murmured. All of us being together. It feels right.
I felt a smile grow on my lips – it was true: it felt just right. Now that we were speaking mind to
mind, I could feel how in tune our own feelings were – how deep, in both of us, the sense of
belonging of being with our family in nature ran.
Yeah, I guess it does. I don’t really want this to end.
And with this, I knew I didn’t just mean that nice afternoon or our weekend getaway.
Reiner chuckled again. It doesn’t have to, you know. You and I are rich enough to live
comfortably here without working ever again. The kids love this place – they’re glowing here.
It’d do them well.
Maybe nature does, I said. But I doubt being stuck all the time with two adults and no one
their age would.
After all, they didn’t have a pack – and I sure as hell didn’t plan on joining Silas‘. I never
wanted to be part of that pack of zealots and violent wolves, but even if I did, now that Reiner, an Alpha, was around, it was something totally out of the picture.
A somewhat sad hum rolled in his chest.
Right. As much as we may like this… his eyes fell down on the two sleeping pups between us. They come first.
I nodded and closed my eyes, simply enjoying … all of it. All of the feelings that having him so close brought: the peace, the feeling of belonging, the … the love.
I loved all of it, and I loved him.
I wanted to thank you, he suddenly said. His head moved, and he gently licked James on the cheek: the kid moved slightly in my arms, and a small smile curved his lips while, still asleep,
he moved a hand towards his dad.
For what?
You hug him, he simply said.
At those words, I opened my eyes, startled.
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Of course I hugged James – he was my son, my little boy. It gave me so much joy to feel him in my arms, to feel him hugging me back… to feel love passing between us.
I’d never been much of a hugger, probably because of my upbringing as an orphan: it had never come totally natural to me, not even when I was with Reiner and all was well between
Us.
Ever since becoming a mother, though, I’d found that gesture… absolutely natural. I loved hugging my babies, loved feeling them close, and most of all, loved making sure they felt
loved.
I had never thought about that change of mine – not until Reiner had mentioned it. The shift
between not loving hugs too much to absolutely adoring them had been so smooth I’d barely
noticed it.
Why, though, would Reiner thank me for hugging our kid? Wasn’t that … normal, for a mom, a
parent, to do so? He hugged them too, after all.
What do you mean?
A shadow of sadness and anger clouded his mind for a moment.
I realized it only now that I’ve seen you with them, he admitted then. But … my mother never
really hugged me, not even as a kid. The few times she did, it was never … never like when you
hug them. You know… honest. True. Or like something she truly wanted to do. She used to say
that, since I was going to be a warrior anyway, I didn’t need to be coddled – and sometimes,
she said it was downright counterproductive. My dad was rather old school, and he had the
pack to think about… so I never gave much importance to hugs.
I closed my eyes again – but this time, it was to try and keep my rage under control.
Sheila, you f*****g b***h. You’d better pray you don’t cross my path.
Counterproductive I couldn’t think of a worse word to describe a hug.
Reiner and I had never truly talked about hugs in particular … and clearly, it was because we’d
never truly thought about them ourselves. Because we’d both been deprived of that form of
human connection and bonding as children.
It seemed only fair that we now saw what we’d missed in our childhood right into our kids.
Now that I see how much they impact our children, though, he went on. I realize how crucial
they are. They express their feelings way better than I did at their age – they’re even more …
aware of them. This can’t be anything but good. So that’s why I’m thanking you … for James
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especially. I’m so happy I can’t see the love–deprived kid I was in him – and that’s all thanks to
you.
For a moment, I didn’t know what to say: a knot formed in my throat, and more than once I had
to blink back tears.
What he’d just said… it had shaken me to my core. Not just because I could see myself in him,
as a little girl who’d grown up without her parents (his aunt, despite being my absolute rock
and a sweetheart, didn’t have for me that maternal love I needed), but because, now that I
knew that … I could understand so many things better, both about him and about his
relationship with his mother, and the way it had impacted us.
Reiner had grown up thinking that what his mother was doing, by keeping her love out of reach for him, was what was needed to do in order for him to grow up into a man: he’d built a
shell around his pain and learned to cherish what little he received from her.
Of course he’d never been able to completely cut ties with her, even after she’d initially opposed him becoming Alpha: and of course he’d believed her when she’d told him about my ” cheating“. It probably wasn’t just because of the video – she’d probably showered him with love on that occasion, finally feeding a starving child and using his sense of betrayal towards
me and his love starvation towards her to manipulate him.
If I get my hands on her… I could precisely picture in my mind what I’d do to her
nowhere near pleasant, or kind, or quick.
and it was
We’ll do better with them than what was done with us, I murmured, stroking the warm and soft
fur on his neck. Reiner hummed in pleasure at the touch. I guess being just us, without a
bunch of people telling us how to raise them, helps.
He chuckled. Definitely. You weren’t there to hear Kyle’s dad bitching about his mother
constantly crossing boundaries.
Don’t worry, Kyle’s mom told me the same thing, I giggled. Kyle was one of the twins‘ playground best friends, so Reiner and I had bonded with his parents. And anyway, I should thank you too. These two have blossomed ever since you came around. I’ve never seen them so happy and content … oh, and grounded. I’ve never been good at scolding them, so they were turning a bit wild. So, thank you. For loving them and not letting them turn into two
savages.
I could feel his surprise… that quickly turned mine when I felt something warm and liquid on
my face.
Okay, you have a f*****g death wish, I grumbled. Still, I was smiling – Reiner and I had never
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been good with words and expressing feelings, so that chat had been incredibly hard for both of us. I knew that, if he’d resorted to that lick to express gratitude and comfort, it had been
because he couldn’t find the words.
Just like when Violet had called his wolf beautiful.
Now rest, my mate, he then whispered into my mind, the voice of his wolf warm and gentle,
like a late summer’s breeze.
Those were the only words I needed to hear: comforted by his presence and lulled by nature,
the very last of my resistances fell down, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
North Wave
Hi everyone!So, many of you are wondering why that convo between R and B hasn’t happened yet, and some of you are a little frustrated. I understand you! That’s why I’m here, to explain why it is taking so long. B’s afraid to trust R, because of the way things have gone between them and the way she knows him, she thinks that if she told him her truth, he wouldn’t believe her. Instead, R’s waiting and not bringing it up because he wants to find the right time to have that convo without her shutting down. Rebuilding trust in a couple, especially one that has been through something as bad as they have, takes time and patience – it takes some chasing, iykwim ? Don’t worry, that conversation will come in about 10 chapters during which they’ll move toward rebuilding their trust not only as parents, but as partners. And since I’m so lucky to have passionate and loyal readers like you, expect some double updates in the coming days? like today! Have a great Saturday and happy reading?
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