Novel Wave 31

Posted by Adminh, ? Views, Released on March 11, 2025

31

REBECCA

Reiner, the kids and I returned home to New York just in time for dinner: since neither of us had the desire or the energy to cook, we decided to order take–out – and while waiting for the pizzas to arrive, we unloaded the car and sorted out what was left of the groceries.

“Look who’s here!” Ravi beamed as the kids opened the door: the two had begged me to ask him over, and I said yes – I liked having my friends over, and this way, we’d keep him company for a while: Wayne had left for work to take care of a big case in Silicon Valley and wouldn’t be

back for two weeks, and Ravi was starting to miss his mate. “Hello, you little wolves!”

“Uncle!” they exclaimed, jumping on him.

Reiner came in right after him: he’d gone upstairs to check on his house and to sort out his

share of the groceries.

“Hi, man,” he greeted him with a nod. Ravi smiled back: it was nice to see how their friendship

was flourishing. The two of them had never been very close as boys: now that they were

inevitably hanging out more because of the kids, however, they were becoming friends.

Their friendship, fortunately, was also having a positive impact on Reiner and Wayne’s

relationship. Although relations between the two were still not completely relaxed (Wayne

currently called their situation ‘a suspicious truce‘), at least Wayne was not making snide

remarks and Reiner was not growling at him all the time.

Baby steps.

“Hey, you still have to go buy those planks you were talking about for the library?” Ravi asked

him. “I have a friend who has a pick–up – he said he’d lend it to us“.

“Perfect,” Reiner nodded, picking Jim up. “And you, go take a shower.”

“But Daddy…”

“Don’t try that, kid – that pout might work on your mother …”

“Excuse me?!”

“But not with me,” Reiner continued, brushing off my annoyed comment. “Go to the bathroom

and make sure to wash your hair too, understood?”

Jim pursed his lips in a disappointed pout that was all his father’s. I’d lost count of how many

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photographs of Reiner as a child I’d seen that showed him pouting just like that.

“What about Violet then?”

“Violet has already showered,” I reminded him. “Also, dirty children don’t get to eat pizza.”

“But you alweady ordered it!” he protested.

“I’ll eat it all,” Reiner threatened him. “Mom’s gonna hold you down and force you to watch me

eat it.”

Faced with that threat – and realizing that his father and I were not going to give in to his whim

– Jim relented and started to walk toward the bathroom, dragging his feet and not letting go of

his pout.

“Holy s**t, that was a bad threat,” I commented only realizing what I’d said when Violet, who’d been playing with Moses, loudly gasped.

Damn.

“Daddy!” she yelled. “Mommy said a bad word!”

“Are you kidding me right now?” I hissed at her.

“Oh, I heard her, sweetie” Reiner hyped her up, with a wicked smile. “And if I remember correctly, I also said we’d wash her mouth with soap next time“.

“So? What are we talking about here?” I asked as Reiner and I walked over to Ravi and the kids after cleaning up the kitchen. He’d been lost in his thoughts the whole night – always cheerful and present for the kids, but rather silent the rest of the time.

Something’s cooking.

I knew my mate well enough to know when he had something going through his head

this was one of those times.

–

and

Not that I didn’t there hadn’t been an hour, that day, in which I hadn’t thought about what had happened between us that morning… mainly because, since then, our bond had been stronger than ever. I’d found myself gravitating towards him more than once – found myself looking at him, insistently, more than once… and found myself breathing in his delicious scent more

than once.

I couldn’t help but want him – couldn’t help but desire to feel his hands on my bare skin again, his smile against my lips, his tongue playing with mine.

My love.

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+ Pain

He’d called me so, that morning – while we were both trapped in that sort of hallucination.

I knew I shouldn’t think too much of it – he, like I did, thought we were back in our pack house, back in the days when we were together and he loved me: but the way he’d spoken those words, the utter love and adoration I felt in his voice… even though I knew it was wrong and toxic for me, I kept repeating them inside my head over and over.

That was probably the very last time I’d heard him tell me he loved me: I had to cherish it.

I swallowed, realizing that it was probably our encounter that made him so pensive.

He’s trying to find a way to let me down as gently as possible, I thought, as Sheila’s voice

calling me a cheater and a slut sing–sang in the back of my mind.

“Just dinosaurs,” Ravi said: James was telling him and Violet all about T–rexes, giving a very

accurate lecture with the aid of the dinosaur Reiner had bought him.

“Yeah, and it’s so boring,” Violet said, rolling her eyes – which, of course, pissed her brother off

immensely.

“NO IT’S NOT!” he yelled. “YOU’RE BORING!”

“Okay, okay,” I intervened, picking Violet up. “Now, there was no need to be mean to your

brother, miss. That’s not how you treat family“.

“But he was boring!” she pouted.

“How’d you feel if he said that about Masha and the Bear?” I asked her. She huffed, but

nodded.

“Sowwy Jim” she murmured.

He shrugged, not completely convinced, and resumed his lecture.

I sat down next to Ravi, to listen to him, and Reiner sat with Violet on the other couch: Jim was clearly happy that his crowd had grown, and started speaking more passionately,

stumbling over his words more and more as he grew tired.

When I picked him up to take him to bed, he fell asleep on my shoulder even before we left the

living room.

When I returned, however, I noticed that Violet was showing Reiner a large, dark volume – one that I immediately identified as my pregnancy photo album, that Wayne and Ravi had given

me after the babies were born.

I felt my stomach tighten.

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No. No, I couldn’t take it.

That album chronicled my pregnancy, yes, but also the worst period of my life: my mental

health was nonexistent and every moment of my day was dominated by depression, as well

as the horrible sense of being a burden, a burden that someone had to take care of.

I’d begun to experience that feeling when Frances had welcomed me into her home, although she had never been anything but loving and helpful – I felt useless, a burden.

That feeling was gone for the time I was Luna – as if, having at last a role in the pack, a role of leadership and service, I could finally support and not just be supported: but when Sheila had kicked me out and Wayne and Ravi had taken me in, it came back in full force, although they,

too, had tried hard to make me understand that I was not a burden to them.

All to no avail: the mean voices of my old classmates who teased me because I had no parents and therefore forced someone to take care of me were too loud in my mind, blurring any other sound.

Because of my depression, I had not wanted to do a photoshoot to celebrate my pregnancy – something I had always wanted to do. I saw myself as ugly and fat, hated my stretch marks and every pound I gained – and anyway, what was the point of taking those pictures if Reiner

wasn’t there?

Wayne and Ravi, however, had taken several photos of me on the sly – and on the day of the babies‘ first birthday, they had given me two albums: one chronicling the babies‘ first year of

life, and that one.

By then, my mental health had been restored – and I’d been able to enjoy that album as it deserved: I’d been able, at last, to see the beauty in the body I’d hated, to see the magic in those pictures even though Reiner wasn’t there… and when the kids asked to see “the album from when we were in mommy’s belly,” as they called it, I never denied them: flipping through it was a positive experience for me, too, because it helped me remember how much I had improved and grown, how much I had been able to cope with and overcome.

But showing it to Reiner … seeing

seeing it in front of Reiner, recalling that time and those emotions

with him present…

I don’t want to see that cheating slut ever again.

A little thing I asked a friend to make. Too bad he’s very good, and Reiner believed it.

I’ll never let my son know the shame of having a pup by one of your kind.

“And see here we are at Uncle Wayne’s and Uncle Ravi’s house because we were not as lucky

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as today!” Violet explained.

I felt my mouth fill with the familiar, disgusting taste of vomit.

S**t. S**t, s**t, s**t …

I wasn’t mad at here – I’d never have been mad at her, not when I’d raised her to be aware of her privilege, her luck and especially her history (a very sweetened version, of course – one in which, simply, Dad had gone overseas for work and Mom had little money to spare)… but the

fact that, now, that part of my life, that thing I was ashamed of, had come out into the open,

that Reiner knew about it….

I wanted nothing more than for the ground to open beneath me and devour me.

I simply wanted… not to be there.

Becks?, Reiner’s voice echoed in my mind, concerned: he must have felt my emotions, or my

nausea, through the bond. Are you okay?

“Honey, it’s time to go to bed,” I intervened. “There’s school tomorrow.”

“But Mommy…”

“Mommy’s right, baby,” Reiner told her, closing the album and getting up with the her in his

arms. “We’ll look at the pictures another time, okay?”

Violet sighed. “Okay…”

“Give Daddy and your uncle a kiss,” I forced myself to smile at her – then, I took her to bed: and like a coward, I stayed in their room as long as I could – so long that I heard Ravi leave.

But not Reiner.

Great, I thought, trying to hold back a sob. How wonderful. Now he’ll want answers,

explanations…

But honestly, what kind of explanation did he want? He was the one who had kicked me out of the house because he had decided to listen to Mommy and not even give me a chance to explain myself. He was the one who had frozen my bank account.