32
REBECCA
Reiner was waiting for me in the kitchen: he was clearly nervous, and had a glass of water in
his hands.
“Hey,” he whispered as soon as he saw me, approaching me and offering me the glass.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I lied, taking a sip of water and walking towards the counter, to put the glass in the
sink. “It’s… late, why didn’t you go… upstairs?”
I couldn’t bring myself to say “to your house“: it almost felt like I was kicking him out.
Not that I didn’t want to be alone at that moment.
“Maybe because you had a panic attack from which you have not yet recovered?” he asked
rhetorically. “I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re okay.”
I tightened my lips. “I’m fine,” I insisted. “You can go, really.”
“Yes, and donkeys fly“.
This time, his voice was closer and deeper. Before I could even realize it, he had picked me up
and set me down on the counter: he was in front of me, his hand brushing against mine – just
far enough away that he could hug me if I wanted him to. “What’s going on?”
In the past, his closeness had always calmed me, as was natural between mates. However,
my breathing began to quicken: the closer he was, the more I spiraled down into panic.
Memories of Sheila kicking me out began to crowd my mind – as well as memories of the
horrible night that had followed, and the months of depression.
I can’t take it. I can’t take it.
I’d never blamed Reiner for what had happened, for the end of our marriage – I knew he was as
much a victim of his mother’s plot as I was …
But at that moment, I couldn’t help hating him, or at least not resenting him.
You only had to listen, a part of me sobbed. You only had to talk to me. Neither of us would be
here now if you had.
Sheila and Garrett might have plotted against him and us, but it was his listening to his mother instead of me that had given them that power. That had brought the axe down on our
1/8
+8 Paint:
32
relationship.
It had been his words, reported by Sheila, that had haunted me.
I don’t want to see that cheating slut ever again.
It had been his signature on the divorce papers the last thing I had seen of his.
Breathing became difficult.
“Rebecca… Rebecca, please calm down,” he gasped. “You’ll pass out if you keep this up.”
He never called me by my full name – only used it when he was worried, angry, or scared.
Calm down – easier said than done, with him so close… and who kept coming closer, driven
by his wolf’s instinct to protect me.
Eventually, my body and instincts got the better of me – I pushed him away and ran away from
the kitchen, reaching for the living room window and throwing it wide open.
It was starting to get very hot, in addition to the lack of air.
“No, you really don’t want to do that,” Reiner said, moving me away from the window and closing it. “Look, please, you’re scaring me. Do you have anything… I mean, something for …
to calm you down?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t felt like this in years – why the hell would I keep any pills in a house
with two children who loved to snoop in the most unthinkable places?!
“Okay… f**k, it’s … it’s fine,” Reiner sighed. “What can I …”
He grimaced – and I could tell that his wolf was again struggling to take control.
When I felt him wrap his arms around me, I knew who had won.
I began to struggle in his grip as I felt my heart in my throat, as I felt like I was going to faint…
But then, a low vibrating murmur began to rumble in his chest – something like a cat’s purr.
“Calm down, now,” he whispered in my ear: his voice was different, mixed with his wolf’s, and
infused with the power of the Alpha – a power I could not escape.
Slowly, my heart began to slow down: and as my body obeyed his order, leaving the state of
panic behind, I felt my limbs grow heavier.
I was tired. Terribly tired – so tired that I didn’t have the strength to fight back when Reiner
lifted me into his arms and sat down on the couch, cradling me.
I remained limply abandoned in his arms as he cuddled me – while his chest continued to
2/8
+8 Poin
32
emanate that soothing purr. He’d never done that before… but I wasn’t gonna complain.
I rested my head against his solid chest and let the familiar sensation take me back to happier times.
It’s just Reiner, I thought, as the panic finally loosened its grip on my mind. Just Reiner. He’d
never hurt you. You’re safe with him.
I knew his wolf was giving him back control when I felt his lips settle on the crown of my
head.
“Better?”
His voice was back to normal, warm and reassuring.
I found myself nodding.
Reiner continued to hold me in his arms – and I didn’t feel like pulling away.
I was too tired. It felt like my legs weighed twenty tons each. And then… it felt so good there.
“I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through,” he murmured after a while.
At first, I did not answer him – I had only heard those words, they had not really reached my
brain.
“What?” I asked when, in fact, I understood what he had said. The word came out scrambling,
tired.
There was a strange mix of pain and worry on his face – a mix that broke my heart. “You just
had a terrifying panic attack, baby… and considering what Violet said… I mean, I guess
something really bad happened to you to … I mean, I know you, Becks, it’d take the world to
catch fire and the dead to rise to get you to ask for help“.
All the buttery peace that had invaded my consciousness up to that moment disappeared,
giving way to an icy shock.
I literally felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on me.
For a good minute, I stood silent – staring at him. Not knowing what to say, and wondering if he had really just uttered those words.
He couldn’t really have asked me what had happened.
You kicked me out of the house and the pack. That’s what happened. You and your mother froze my bank account. I had just enough money to survive maybe a month.
3/8
+8 Poin!
32
“Excuse me, but … what exactly are you talking about?”
Reiner looked at me, startled – as if I’d just asked him if he happened to have two heads.
“I guess something serious happened,” he said. “If … if you had to use most of your alimony. I know you hate asking for help, and if you asked Wayne …”
“Most of my … most of my what?”
The question slipped past my lips before I could even formulate it in my brain.
“Your your alimony,” Reiner repeated – as if he was stating the obvious. “I left you a million dollars after the divorce, Becks.”
Again, I was dumbfounded as I tried to process his words – as I felt like a dagger was plunged into my chest.
I left you a… a what?
Reiner was really … was really daring…
“Get out“.
This time, I was well aware of my words.
If there was one thing I remembered awfully well about the year it took before my business
started giving its fruits was my constant checking of my bank account – the one I’d opened at 18 but never truly used, because I’d married Reiner soon after – and always seeing it empty.
Surely, I’d never seen a million dollars suddenly popping up to solve all of my problems.
I remembered the empty bank account, the crushing shame of not being able to provide for
myself and my kids, the feeling of being, once again, a burden …
I didn’t know what the f**k Reiner was up to, but I was not going to let him stay in my house –
a house I’d bought with my blood, sweat, and tears, and certainly not with his f*****g
unexistent alimony – and let him … humiliate me like that.
As soon as I spoke those words, his eyes widened – as if I’d slapped him across the face.
“W–what?”
“Get the f**k out of my house, now” I growled.
I was not going to have that asshole standing there in my living room, trying to gaslight me
into having received a life–changing alimony. Not after all the s**t I’d gone through just because he’d chosen to listen to Mommy.
4/8
32
Not after all of the sacrifices I’d made to make sure our children could live a decent life.
“Becks, what… are you ok?” he asked, taking a step towards me. He looked genuinely worried, now. “I… I’ll get you some water…”
“Get your ass out of my house,” I hissed again, this time letting my wolf come out just a little.
Just so he knew I wasn’t f*****g around.
I didn’t know why he was trying to make me believe that absurd story – but I wouldn’t stand there and let him mock me and all I had to go through.
“Becky…”
I let my claws out.
“Okay!” he breathed, raising his hands. “Ok, just … calm down. Can we talk this out?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I hissed. “Out. Now“.
Reiner nodded. It was one of the very few times I saw him genuinely scared.
“Fine,” he said, slowly moving towards the door. “Fine“.
As soon as he was out, I broke into tears.
REINER
I was panting as if I’d just run a thousand miles when I closed the front door behind me. My heart was basically exploding – and I couldn’t see anything but Becks‘ murderous face.
What the f**k … what the f**k just happened?
I let myself fall on the bed, trying to catch my breath with deep breaths: I was completely,
totally in shock.
That was definitely not the way I’d expected that day to end – with Becks caught in a terrifying panic attack that had then evolved into an equally frightening rage attack.
All for …
for just some pictures?, I wondered, shocked.
Two hours – she had been barricaded in the children’s room for two hours after she had taken Violet to sleep: I could feel how upset she was through the bond – she had shut me out of her mind, so I’d been unable to understand the reason behind her emotions, but I’d recognized the panic attack. It had been so violent, so all–consuming, that I’d chosen to stay there: I couldn’t go back to my apartment without knowing that she was okay, that she had calmed down.
Not that calming her down had been easy: for some reason, my presence had almost made it
5/8
+8 Points
32
worse at first – which had really worried me. Usually, having your mate beside you is the most calming and grounding thing there can be… and yet, Becky had literally run away from me.
She was truly r***d, I’d thought. Somehow, those pictures must have reminded her of something, and she couldn’t tolerate my presence.
Then, however, my wolf had managed to calm her down – she had curled up in my arms and allowed me to cuddle her, to comfort her.
Talking about what was nagging her had always helped her overcome those attacks: yet, as soon as I’d brought it up…
Holy s**t.
That explosion of anger had been devastating – it was as if a nuclear bomb had gone off in the middle of the living room. She had come this close to shifting and, I knew it, reducing me to a ******g hamburger: I was absolutely certain of that – if a fight had broken out between us, at that moment, I wouldn’t have made it out alive, Alpha or not.
So I’d left not because I was afraid of dying, but because she had made it very clear that she didn’t want me there… and invading the territory of a pissed–off wolf was never a good idea.
Talking to her, or otherwise trying to communicate with her while she was like that would have been not only pointless, but counterproductive: Becks was not in the mood to listen at all, and it was clear that if I uttered another word, things would have escalated.
What did I say? Face the conversation that would make or break everything?, I thought, bitterly mocking myself.
I definitely had the feeling that I’d destroyed everything.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back tears as I heard her sobbing. Her bedroom was exactly below mine, and although both houses were soundproof, thanks to my wolfish hearing I could hear her a little: by now, she had been sobbing in despair for half an hour.
Go to her! my wolf shouted, desperate and heartbroken to hear her own mate’s pain, but I forced myself to remain seated on the mattress, although it was almost impossible even for my human side to do so.
Having me around again would only have hurt and destabilized her more at that moment.
To try to escape those sobs, I threw myself under the shower, hoping that the physical distance and the water would muffle those heart–wrenching sounds: luckily, it worked- although I could still sense her suffering through the small door she had, perhaps
6/8
+8 Point:
32
32
unknowingly, left slightly open in our bond.
She was devastated.
What little I could see of her mind was … it was a f*****g wasteland, dark and full of pain and
suffering. Not unlike my own in the first months after our divorce.
Anger, pain, humiliation. They were like a tornado destroying her psyche more and more, like a cancer devouring her.
I could not tolerate the thought of knowing her in that condition – I felt the absolute need to
hold her in my arms, to comfort her, to kiss away every tear. I sent some calm and serenity
through the bond – enough for her to calm down, but not so much that she realized where they were really coming from, along with a command: sleep.
Already a few moments later, I felt her consciousness fade as she dozed off.
The day had been so heavy for both of us, but I feared that it had been way worse for her.
I got out of the shower, dried off, and let myself fall onto the mattress, exhausted.
Becky had freaked out first when Violet had tried to show me the pregnancy album (I only managed to see a couple of pictures, but they’d made me tear up anyway), which meant that she had major traumas related to that period, and then when I’d mentioned the alimony. She
had looked at me like I was a freak, like I was talking bullshit… like I was making fun of her.
She had even asked what I was talking about, which could only mean one thing: she had never
received, or known anything, about that money – which meant that Garrett and my mother’s
plot had a far greater reach in my pack than I’d imagined.
For an indefinite amount of time before running into Wayne and Ravi, my pregnant mate had
been alone, scared, and with only the cash she might have had in her wallet as her total
assets.
I knew my Becks – her damn pride was one of the things that made me fall in love with her, but it was also tremendously infuriating. The woman never asked for help, because she had a bad habit of feeling like a burden: she’d never have moved in with Wayne if she even had the money to rent a mattress under a bridge – which meant that she really had no other prospects.
That meant that the conversation about what had happened between us – because that
conversation would come – would be really, really heavy. And that it would be tremendously
difficult to get her to talk.
I pursed my lips and settled better in that awful thing I insisted on calling a bed.
7/8
32
32
8 Points
I’ll find a way to help you, my love, I promised her, even though I knew she wouldn’t hear me. I’ll understand what the f**k happened and we’ll put all this pain behind us. We’ll be happy again,
and we’ll be the family we always should have been. I promise.
