34
REBECCA
Ew, I thought, grabbing the radiator to pull myself up after vomiting for the umpteenth time. I’d started feeling unwell the previous night – with a widespread feeling of sickness and cold that, initially, I had attributed to fatigue. When those symptoms had rapidly worsened within an hour, I’d made up my mind and grabbed the thermometer – which of course told me what I already knew.
I had slept very little and badly: and to make all of it even better, Violet had pulled me off the couch on which I had collapsed, sobbing because, just like me, she was sick and had even vomited.
In the bed.
I’d spent what little was left of the night caring for her – and within a few hours that had seemed like minutes, James had woken up, perky and very ready for the day and the trip: at least hew as clearly feeling great, since he had sprinted to call his father as soon as he saw that we were sick and I’d barely managed to trudge after him.
I sighed, rinsing my mouth out and then jumping into the shower.
Honestly? I was extremely grateful to the little guy for going to call Reiner.
At first, I hadn’t been so enthusiastic about it – I hadn’t intended to keep Violet’s illness from
him, and I knew he’d come down to take the kids to school and eventually find out that I was
sick too, but I didn’t want him to worry about me too … or to feel like he had to take care of me
too.
I felt shitty enough about the way I’d behaved on Sunday night.
Once I’d managed to calm down, everything had become clearer to me: it was obvious that Reiner was certain that he had given me that alimony – and his was an honest certainty. Knowing him, knowing what kind of a good man he was, and that he was not accustomed to lying, mocking, or deliberately hurting people, it was also plausible that he had wanted to give me that f*****g money.
The math was clear: if neither Reiner nor I were lying, that money had gone out of his account and had not gone into mine – which meant that someone had tampered with it.
I was sure as hell that someone was that cunt of Sheila. Such a thing, after all, was absolutely
1/5
+8 Points
34
in her wheelhouse – it was nothing compared to what she had already done.
Even so, I still hadn’t been able to confront Reiner, or trivially apologize to him for how I’d
behaved – every time I even thought of doing so, my throat closed up. I remembered the fight,
and the hurt and pain it had caused, and the memories it had brought back … and my voice
died.
You’ll have to find a way, I thought. This situation can’t go on much longer, or the children will
really pay the price.
And that was the last thing I wanted. I was not going to let my fears and insecurities hurt
them.
I’d felt so guilty when Reiner had come down that morning and immediately set out to take care of Violet and me – a feeling, however, that he made me get over almost immediately … and without uttering a word. He’d sprawled between me and Vi in the middle of the bed, held us close to him … and every bad feeling had passed. We’d spent the morning in bed, watching cartoons and laughing: thankfully, Thursday was also the day Camille came to clean the house. The woman was a real treasure – she had even made us lunch: juicy, gently spiced chicken tenders with a side of vegetables. A light lunch, suitable for two sick people, but
incredibly tasty.
By the time I got out of the shower, I was feeling better – not well, let’s be clear, but at least I was not in that horrible state of prostration I was in before.
My bed was empty, I noticed, but a cheerful hubbub was coming from the living room – Reiner must have already returned from kindergarten, and Violet must have woken up.
“Mommy!” Jim exclaimed upon seeing me: he dropped the jam sandwich he was eating and ran to me. I barely had time to crouch down before he crashed into my arms.
Ouch.
Either that kid had gotten a lot stronger in the last twenty–four hours, or I was really beaten up.
Second option, I’m afraid.
I shot a look at Reiner, who had joined us with a sly grin on his face.
I can still kick your ass, I grumbled.
That is the one thing I’ll never question.
“Go easy on Mommy,” he told our son instead.
“Why? Is she still sick?” James asked, strangled. “But Vi is fine now!”
2/5
34
+8 Point
“It’s all easier when you’re not old, baby,” I sighed. “Give me a couple of days and I’ll be back on track.”
The explanation seemed enough for him, who went right back to the snack table, telling Violet all about the trip to the library.
Easy, you, Reiner admonished me as he helped me up. And thankfully so, because I absolutely wouldn’t have had the strength to do that by myself.
I leaned against him as he walked me toward the couch, secretly enjoying the solidity of his
arm around my waist and the warmth his body exuded.
“Here,” he smiled, helping me sit up and wrapping me in a blanket. “I made you some tea.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, as he placed a steaming cup in my hands. Then he sat down next to me, brushing my forehead with his hand.
Judging by the grimace on his face, it must not have been exactly fresh.
“Do you feel like eating something?” he asked. “I picked up some flatbread on the way back.
Nothing too fancy, but at least you’ll keep it down.”
I nodded. My stomach was still a bit upset, but some flatbread sounded nice.
Seeing the way he smiled when I accepted that offer warmed my heart.
I hated seeing him sad or hurt – it was a visceral reaction. For male wolves, and Alphas in particular, providing for their mates was a basic instinct and a source of happiness, satisfaction and pride: and knowing that accommodating him and allowing him to provide for me and take care of me that day had made him feel happier… made me happy, too.
As he had done earlier, when he got into bed with Violet and me, he gently held me close to him – another thing I did not object to. Considering the way I’d treated him, it was a genuine miracle that I was getting that contact, that he was cuddling me like that… and maybe it was
bitchy and selfish, but I was intent on enjoying it.
Look, the more upstanding part of me commented. It’s not like you can enjoy this without even
apologizing.
I swallowed.
It was true. It wasn’t fair.
And although the idea of opening up made me feel even weaker than I already was…
I had to do it.
3/5
34
Reiner deserved it. He was worth it.
It’s also the right time. The kids are eating – nothing can distract them when they eat.
Can I talk to you for a moment?, I asked him, using the mind link instead of my voice. It had
always been easier to use that link instead of talking when I had to deal with uncomfortable
topics: it made it easier for me to express myself.
Reiner nodded – and I felt his arms tighten around my waist. Of course.
I swallowed. It’s about the other night.
This time he stiffened. Don’t worry, he hastened to say. Don’t … I know something happened,
but you don’t have to tell me if it hurts you …
I’m sorry, I interrupted him. I didn’t mean to treat you like that – or threaten you. I don’t know what came over me, really. It’s just… that was not a good time, I admitted. It’s not easy for me to talk about it, or even think about it. I didn’t want to lose control like that.
For a moment, Reiner was silent: I could feel his emotions – and seeing that he wasn’t getting angry, or annoyed, helped me keep calm in the face of his lack of response.
Then, I felt his lips on my cheek. And a gentle warmth spread throughout my body.
You don’t have to apologize, he murmured. His voice was calm, gentle, full of affection. I know trauma when I see it, Becks. You are not to blame. I was never angry, really.
His hand reached for mine – and in seeing how he took to absentmindedly fiddling with it, just
as he used to do four years ago, I was filled with nostalgia. At least I found out that the money never got to you, he added, with a sad chuckle. I guess someone had a hand in it.
So we had come to the same conclusion.
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry anyway, I insisted. Really.
Reiner made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. If I tell you I forgive you will you
stop?
I quickly squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push back the tears of emotion that sentence had
brought to my eyes.
…
maybe.
Fine, he giggled. Then you are officially forgiven, Becks.
“Mommy your snack!” James exclaimed, placing a plate with some flatbread in it on my lap.
4/5
+ Paint
34
“Thank you, baby…”
“Good job, kid,” Reiner complimented him. “And now, you,” he added, pointing at me with a smile. “Shut up and eat.”
With the atmosphere finally relaxed between us, I began to feel even better: Reiner didn’t move from my side except when the kids needed him – or to cook dinner and set and clear the table,
with Jim as his little helper.
And during yet another round of cartoons in my bed that evening, as I thought and thought
again about how well Reiner and I were now communicating, how well the conversation had gone… I thought that maybe, if I told him the truth about what had happened… maybe he
would believe me.
North Wave
